A Candle-Lit Room

NaNoWriMo: Day 1

2009-11-02T21:47:00.001-07:00

I'm doing NaNoWriMo!

Yes, I'm crazy. I know. You know this. Why are you bothering to even mention it at this point?

So I started by staring at the little cursor blinking on and off on a blank document. My dilemma: do I use an existing story for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) or do I start from scratch? Then I realized that a fresh start is just what I need right now.

Besides, for a while now there's been a teenaged girl named Riley Conner who's been living in the section of my brain labeled "Characters who need to be written. Now."

She's been patiently waiting for her debut, but I don't think she was expecting it to be on New Year's Eve in a dirty back alley in New York.

I'm 1700 words in so far, which means I'm off to a good start. I think Jackson Crane is going to be a fun character to write, and I've been wanting to make a really badass character like this for a while now.

Now, before you all ask, let me state this clearly: YOU WILL SEE IT WHEN I'M DONE, AND NOT A MOMENT BEFORE THEN.

That means you, mom. ;)

I'll be writing about my progress here and there, but I can't guarantee regular updates. If I tagged you in this note, it's pretty much to let you know that if i seem crazier than normal it's because I'm writing. A lot.

Now then, I'm off to bed soon. Kung-Fu tomorrow means I need sleep tonight.

I'm Alive!!!

2009-10-27T18:54:00.000-06:00

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I posted on this blog. So: update! woot!

First things first: Brian turned out to be an asshole about 2 weeks after the first date. Wow, that was a while back. Doing another suicidal semester load. I'm now in Shaolin Kung Fu, which is SO-AMAZINGLY-FUN! I've been working at Apple for a year now (how time flies!) and I'm still pretty much loving it. The novel has come to a screeching halt because I'm a horrible author. :(

On to more entertaining news: I went to Portland, OR for a week and I fell in love with the city. Seriously considering trying to transfer there for a semester. Working on a new novella, and considering doing NaNoWriMo. If you don't know what that is, google it and be amazed at my courage. I have a new best friend who is currently spending the fall semester in Alaska. I miss Jolene desperately because she's my brain-clone. Weird, huh?

Nothing else to say, really. Just wanted to confirm that yes, I'm still breathing. Later!

Stick Figures on Crack: Episodes 1, 2, & 3

2008-12-31T00:43:00.002-07:00

Brain-Melting hilarity. Enjoy:

Viewer discretion is advised for this one (Warning: Foul language)

Life Update: 12/31/08

2008-12-30T23:59:00.002-07:00

Another day, another task. So I'm completely registered for next semester, and I'm going to be suicidal by mid-terms. I'm doing what UNM calls a "consortium agreement" where I take a few credits at CNM that count toward my UNM degree.

So: my CNM schedule consists of Calculus I (4 cr. hrs.), Physics II (4 cr. hrs.), and Physics II Lab (1 cr. hr.). My UNM schedule is Intro to Astronomy (3 cr. hrs.), Reasoning and Critical Thinking (3 cr. hrs.), and Intro to Costuming (3 cr. hrs.).

That's a grand total of 18 credit hours spread across two campuses, four days a week. And I'm still working part time.

God save me from my over-ambitious academiamania.

Anyway, on the social front; I've actually gone on a date for the first time in my life. Shocking, I know. And Brian is actually really sweet. Not too sure how serious it will get, as it's mostly the novelty of a first relationship on my end. Other than that, not too much happening. Even on winter break, I have no social interaction outside of my roommate and my co-workers. Oh, well.

Oh, I've been thinking about a major problem in my novel. As of yet, I haven't even made it to chapter ten because I keep getting this nagging notion that my main character just isn't developed enough to be interesting. Because of this, I'm going to try something that I've adamantly opposed for several years in my own work: I'm going to re-write it in the first person. I think that this insight into my main character's mind might just give me the nudge I need to get past that chapter ten barrier and into the meat of the story. Also, I need better names for locations. Living, breathing characters and creatures I have no trouble naming. As for locations, I just end up sounding cheesy, contrived, or (heaven forbid) a little bit of both. Eh, I guess I need some more practice.

On another note, I really need to clean my room. I have a pile of clothes and debris in the corner that's almost as high as my bed. Those of you who have been in my room know how tall my bed is. This is getting out of hand.

Also, I've come to the conclusion that "Single Ladies" by Beyonce needs to be banned because of the fact that not only does it get stuck in your head, but it gets a room, moves in, unpacks, and becomes the noisy upstairs neighbor that everyone hates because they tap-dance in the kitchen at 3am right over your bed.

My New Take on Life

2008-12-01T13:44:00.002-07:00

I've come up with a new plan, and I'm gonna need some help in executing it.

I'm sick and tired of being a lazy, average student. I'm tired of panicking at the end of every month, trying to make ends meet. I'm tired of procrastinating on my homework, sleeping irregularly, and not being able to see anyone but my roommate and my classmates.

So here's the deal:

Next semester, I pledge to:

1) Put my education first, no matter what. That means:
–No sleeping through my alarm.
–No reading fan fiction until the wee hours of the morning.
–No procrastinating on my assignments.
–Staying ahead in the text.
–Taking better notes.
–Talking to my teachers about potential problems before they reach crisis level.

2) Keep a better home environment. To do that, I must:
–Schedule my time strictly.
–Do menial housekeeping regularly, rather than once a month.
–Remind my roommate to do her share, as well.
–Complain less about my life.
–Pay my bills on time to avoid financial stress.
–Actually buy groceries and cook my meals (hopefully, these duties will be shared).

3) Be more efficient at work. This means that I:
–Must study new products and current software when I have time to do so.
–Need to smile more.
–Have to sleep well.
–Must develop friendships with my co-workers, even if several of them refuse to speak to each other.
–Need to remember that my managers actually do listen here.
–Must remember to check my internal emails. They are important.

4) Not forget about my friends. So I will:
–Call them back, text them back, etc.
–Make time to see them, even when they live across town.
–Call them occasionally. You know, just to prove I still exist.

These changes will not be easy, so I request that you all remind me if and when you can. Thanks.

Today's Thought: How your outlook changes your world.

2008-10-13T12:39:00.002-06:00

Do you ever get to the point where you just want to smack a good friend in the face just to get them to see reason?

Seriously, there comes a point where all of your "woe-is-me" attitude stops garnering pity from your friends. At this point, they begin to respect you less and they really wish you would get your head out of your ass. Wallowing in self-pity only perpetuates the problem. If you simply buck up and try and look on the bright side, your life will soon turn around.

I know this from repeated experience.

No matter your religious views, whether you are Christian, Buddhist, or Atheist, there is an explanation for your life's troubles and how to climb out of that dark hole. You wanna know something interesting? They all state that positive thinking in some way is the key. Faith in God, Karma, or the Law of Attraction are all theories that have a very valid common base: your outlook affects the world around you.

The more you concentrate on the bad things in life, the more bad things seem to happen, but when you have an optimistic view on life these things seem to fall away. Give it a shot. It's not easy, but the effort to monitor your thoughts is well worth the gain.

Stupid Wal-Mart

2008-09-24T00:54:00.002-06:00

So, I've been banned from all Wal-Marts for "shoplifting"

Yes, you read that right. What happened was that I had picked up a little 93 cent pumice stone in cosmetics, walked over to the costumes, and stuck it in my pocket without really thinking so I could free up my hands. *sigh*

The security people stood in front of me as I walked out and said that since I passed the security detectors, it was "attempted shoplifting," and that they had to ban me according to policy. I could have paid for the damn thing with loose change from my pocket, but noooooooo, they were bored security guards who just wanted someone to annoy.

So because of a stupid pumice bar, I can't go to a wal-mart ever again.

They didn't even let me keep it for all my wasted time.

Grrrrr...

My dream home

2008-09-22T14:25:00.003-06:00

So I've decided that one of my goals is to live in a luxury loft. Seriously.

My dream loft will hopefully be a happy medium between the following styles:

Hey, if you're gonna aim, aim high. These lofts look so beautiful and peaceful, and I'm an urban girl. I love the city. Wide open natural places are all well and good, but I only like to visit them for a short time.

So here's to a goal. Urban loft, here I come.

2008-09-22T13:03:00.000-06:00

Your Thinking is Concrete and Random

You are naturally inquisitive and curious.

You're excited by new ideas, and you are a true independent thinker.

You are interested in what is possible. You like the process of discovery.

You are often experimenting, challenging old ideas, and inventing new concepts.

Rules, restrictions, and limit don't really work for you.

You have to do things your own way, and you can't be bothered to explain yourself.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

2008-09-22T12:55:00.001-06:00

Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTP)

Your personality type is optimistic, curious, enthusiastic, and open.

Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men.

You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

My Angsty Rant

2008-09-16T14:20:00.002-06:00

So I've come to a point in my life where I'm forced to make some major re-assessments. I'm now buried under 14 credit hours of school and a new job. Because of this, I have to drop my Symphonic Band for the time being. I don't make this decision lightly. I will miss it desperately, but I simply can't afford the time, let alone the gas. Also, I'm having to take a good look at myself. I'm trying some new goals this semester: straight As, exercise, and writing schedule being my foremost priorities.

I'm coming to realize that I don't spend time with my friends and family, and when I do, I come off as either aloof, stuck up, over-stressed, or condescending. For this, I apologize, but it's difficult to go through college with my chosen major. It's alienated me from most of the people I enjoy spending time with, because my academics are the only things I have left to talk about, and no one enjoys listening to my confusing techno-babble.

I miss my sisters terribly, and I don't spend nearly as much time with them as I would like, simply because I can't afford to. This is compounded by the fact that I hate talking on the phone. If I talk to someone, it really needs to be via text (letters, email, txt messages) or face-to-face. I am simply not an auditory person. I can't afford a lot of things. Gas, food, and money for rent are becoming luxuries that I simply can't afford. I'm doing my best, but my best falls just short of breaking even.

If that's not enough, the few times I can make time for my friends and family, there always seems to be drama. The one exception to this is my oldest sister, who seems to know telepathically that I really just need someone to lean on, and someone who listens. I have enough chaos in my life without worrying about my family's health, whether I can make it to a football game, or that one of my siblings doesn't like one of our in-laws. I am not a sounding board for the petty angst of our family, and it bugs me that everyone seems to find me to be a neutral party that they can complain to about everyone else in their lives. I have enough drama and angst all on my own. Please, don't give me any more. Thank you. Time with my family and my friends is supposed to be my escape from my own reality. I would rather not have to take on yours, as well. I'm sorry if that's callous, but it's the way I feel.

I miss the good old days of being able to call up a friend and make plans to meet at the movies in half an hour. I miss being able to talk to my loved ones without my own guilt bubbling to the surface because I can't help. I miss not having to rely financially on people who can barely afford to support themselves, let alone me, too. I miss being able to have a fun-but-deep conversation between two people about any subject, not just the latest gossip of who's screwed who over this week, or who has what health problem, or who might just keel over and die from some random disease from Malaysia this month.

So I'm putting my foot down. This semester, I will live for myself. I will do right by me, so I can afford to do right by others. I will make no apologies for the way I live, and if I disappear off the map, it's because I've discovered what's best for me may not be on it. I am living my life for me, because if I try to do more, I just won't make it through college, and that is quite simply not an option.

YouTube: Apologize

2008-08-30T20:56:00.001-06:00

A video that combines my love of good music, good poetry, and visual beauty. Enjoy. Song is "Apologize" by Timbaland.

YouTube: Potter Puppet Pals and the Mysterious Ticking Noise

2008-08-28T10:18:00.002-06:00

Pondering Perfection: The discussion continues

2008-08-23T11:41:00.002-06:00

I had posted my "Pondering Perfection" post on my MySpace blog, and the one friend I have whom I knew would not be able to resist it began a discussion. I met Josh in my precalc class two years ago, and he's not exactly a normal person. He finished his associates degree before graduating college, he wears black eyeliner and a pentagram necklace, and he's one of the most openly curious and honest people I know. This was his reply to the blog:

............................................................

Josh:

Do what Thou Wilt shall be the whole of the Law

*gasps* a take on Christianity I agree with! Or perhaps it could be said to be deism. The portion about Christ was minimal and could well be overlooked. Regardless, in response I would disagree, in a very slight way. You talk of creative potential and action; ever-striving for perfection. I would argue that the very act of self-improvement and creativity is perfection itself. As far as human knowledge can reach in either direction, the universe has always existed, but it has always been changing.

People and animals move, do new and different things. Even the planet we live on is moving, as is our solar system, our galaxy, and thousands of other galaxies. Matter and energy move, and convert from one form to another, but always exist. In all the chaos of the universe, stability (and I would argue perfection) is maintained by perpetual motion. There are yogis who've trained there bodies to slow metabolism and cell death so that they can live off of a cup a milk a month, but were they to break their meditation, and milk the cow themselves, their metabolism would jump and they would require more sustenance.

The stillness of the yogi is analogous to what would happen if our universe stopped moving. One half of the earth would be scorched, the other half freezing cold. Similar fates would befall other planets, and living creatures would die by the millions, unless some outside force (by its motion defying the stillness) were to assist those living things.

We cannot find perfection in inactivity, though disciplining ourselves to tolerate inactivity is helpful so that we may more efficiently be active. It is the activity of our lives that provide us sustenance: work pays for food and shelter; creative actions help to keep us sane. Our body and minds were made for (or evolved to) this function. To deny them that is to desecrate them. To fulfill that creative potential is the greatest thing a human can do, and I would argue that creative act, that motion, is like that of the universe, that the soul of that person is eternal, like the universe, and that only by constant motion can it fulfill its proper path.

You see, God or no God, the reality of what we must do is the same. One must live well, creatively. Not self-destructively, but not with the sole goal of self-preservation either. There must be balance. One must take on the poisons of life if they may enhance one's creative potential, even if they may also lead to death. Opium stimulates the mind but numbs the body. Absinthe, through its dual poisons, frees the mind with alcohol and stimulates it with wormwood. Freedom of thought, and the creativity it lends itself to, is worth the imagined death so many people fear. Why should a Christian fear death? Why should any religious person? The soul is eternal. The molecules of our body cannot be destroyed, but will ultimately go on to be part of plants, animals, and one day a future generation of humans. Our genes are carried on by children. Our immortality is most assured.

So I say, live freely, set yourself to the greatest goal, and fulfill it. Live well, do not forsake what you know to be right, for by violating your own conscience you are sinning against yourself. Those who claim to have no conscience are merely too far gone to know what their Will is anymore.

Ah, alas, I could continue, but I shall end my discourse here.

Love is the Law; Love under Will

And my own reply to this:

So you say that creativity is perfection unto itself, and that exploration is the result of our evolution on this planet, and yet you refer to the soul. More than that, you state that the soul is eternal and that "only by constant motion can it fulfill is proper path." In one thing however, you are wrong. The universe is not eternal. Scientists have discovered that, at the rate the universe is expanding, at one point it will snap (like a rubber band stretched too thin) and collapse in on itself.

As I'm feeling particularly--I don't want to use the word "religious," but can't think of a better one--today, I'm going to quote the Bible for a moment. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

What this means is that our universe is s-l-o-w-l-y degenerating, but that in the process, it is still beautiful and full of things to explore. Also that every man on earth, regardless of his religion, has a concept of the eternal soul that he simply cannot get rid of. Does not the very existence of this soul preclude the possibility that our pursuit of perfection has developed by random chance?

I do agree with your concept of balance, which was one of the main reasons behind my statement that "The Fall was God's gift to humanity." Without pain, we cannot know peace; without sadness, we cannot know joy; without hatred, we cannot know love. Following this reasoning, we could not have truly known God if we didn't know the world around us.

I also agree that we should have a healthy dose of inactivity in our lives, because if we're constantly doing and discovering new things, we have no time to reflect on what we've already done in order to better understand them. Again, balance, like you said. Because knowledge is useless without understanding.

If the soul does exist, and I doubt you'll disagree that it does, than it is there for the singular purpose of understanding. It exists as part of us, and is the means of our discovery and pursuit of perfection. It is what raises us above the level of breathing meat-sacks and gives us the ability to even discuss its own existence.

So how could the soul be formed through anything other than another, self-aware, super-powerful creator? And why would this creator give us a soul if they didn't wish for us to explore ourselves and our world?

Looking forward to your reply.

.....................................................

I'll post more as this conversation develops.

Pre-Semester Blues/Jubilation

2008-08-18T13:43:00.000-06:00

I hate buying textbooks at the beginning of a semester. I'm taking Calc I, Anthropology, Journalism, and Spanish this semester, with the grand total of my books coming to $496. Ouch. Thank God for financial aid!

Looking forward to Calculus and Journalism the most, to be honest. If I like the Journalism, I might double major, or even change my major. We'll see...

The Wonderful World of LOLcats

2008-08-17T22:14:00.000-06:00

So it appears that several LOLcats (you know, the pictures of cats and other creatures that have witty, badly-spelled captions?) makers share my interests and sense of humor. Enjoy.

YouTube: Powers of Ten

2008-08-17T21:41:00.000-06:00

It's amazing what you can do by slapping another zero on a number. Think about it. This video was done in 1977. Enjoy.

YouTube: A Vision of Students Today

2008-08-17T21:35:00.000-06:00

A little video I found on YouTube. It certainly makes you think.

Pondering Perfection

2008-08-17T20:09:00.001-06:00

I consider myself to be a good person, for the most part. We all have our faults, but that is what makes us human. When a person comes to a point where they believe they have no more faults, I can guarantee you that they will be alone, hungry, and wondering what went wrong. The rest of us would shun him for either being arrogant and obnoxious or (in the event that it is true) shy away from such an image of perfection because it goes against nature.

God created us in his image, so we should always strive for perfection. However, that is all we are: in his image. We are not God, nor should we presume out of scientific conjecture that he does not exist. A human being, by their very nature, cannot actually achieve perfection. Only God is perfect. Perfection as a state of being is completely out of our reach as long as we inhabit these vessels of meat, bone, and blood. But that does not mean we shouldn't try.

And in that process of trying to be perfect, we become creative. This is our goal while we live. To achieve new and greater things in science, in health, medicine, spirituality, and life. Our drive to find the answers, to dig up our past in order learn about our future, to explore the unknown territories of our universe, great or small...God has placed it there so that we may learn more about Him in the process.

Who else but a perfect God could have created such a universe? Everyday, new leaps in science are being made, but every leaps increases our knowledge of the complexity of the cosmos ten-fold. Albert Einstein himself once said, "I want to know God's thoughts. The rest are simply details."

Our natural creativity is the direct result of a loving and perfect God bestowing his greatest gift upon his creation; imagination. It is this burning passion for understanding that has led so many people to believe in an almighty creator. That burning sense of come-on-there's-gotta-be-more-than-this is the catalyst of change. And it was put there for a reason; to strive for perfection through creation.

And for once, the destination does not matter in the least. It's a long, treacherous road, but one so filled with wonders along the way that we don't find it repellent, but we embrace it with vigor. So many "Christians" try to completely cut themselves off from the world, but I say that is the worst possible thing you can do. Think about it. Jesus did not go to the "good" people, but the sinners, the farmers, the fishermen, the scholars. He told them to follow him and he showed them that there was more. He wasn't a charismatic preacher, he wasn't particularly charming, he was simply a carpenter who showed the world that they were blind. He opened their eyes to new and exiting horizons, and they embraced it. We are not supposed to shun the world, but embrace it, poke it, prod it, and lead it to new places.

If all God wanted was for his creation to love him, he wouldn't have given us free will. He would not have made the tree of knowledge in the first place. The Fall was God's gift to humanity. Without it, our love would mean no more than a houseplant loving light from a window. But because He loved us, he gave us up. Just as He did for his own son. Our universe is there because God wants us to dig deep into our world, and to love Him all the more because of what we discover there.

So I say don't shun the world, don't turn your back on the atheists, the scientists, the agnostics, and the insert-label-here groups, but instead join them in the common pursuit of perfection, that we might all find God together. It's only a matter of time.